Monday, September 19, 2016

Conspiracy Theory

Since I don't use Twitter, I'm a bit behind on my conspiracy theories, so I'm not sure what's out there regarding Saturday's bombing in Manhattan.  Just in case there aren't enough, I figured it might be amusing to formulate my own.

Ever hear of Tannerite?  Hardly anybody has, except for people who operate shooting ranges, where it is used to create exploding targets that add an extra thrill for those who enjoy shooting things.  As it happens, Tannerite was the explosive used in the pressure cooker bomb that injured 29 pedestrians on 23rd Street in Chelsea.  Who would think of using Tannerite, other than NRA operatives working to advance the presidential ambitions of Donald J. Tr*mp?

It makes perfect sense, especially given the enthusiastic response to the bombing from Tr*mp himself, lapdog Chris Christie, and others.  Clearly, they suggest, the bombing calls for expanding the police state and heightened persecution of American Muslims!

Like all conspiracy theories, mine is based on the flimsiest of evidence.  Well, who cares?  Please do your best to spread it far and wide!

Now that we know the bombs were planted by a Muslim chicken-fryer from New Jersey, do I apologize?  Of course not!  In the true spirit of conspiracy theorists, I double down!

Obviously, the guy the police shot and arrested was contacted and mock-radicalized by agents of the NRA, who provided him with the Tannerite and persuaded him to bomb the Chelsea area, which is full of Democrat hipsters, and even has the same name as Hillary's daughter!  This new information only serves to strengthen my original argument!  Could it be any more clear?

I ask anybody who already started spreading my theory to get back on Twitter and make any necessary clarifications.  This is no longer a theory!  Now, it's a fact!

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