Friday, July 10, 2020
Now that the USofA finally has achieved some degree of consensus regarding just who won our Civil War, it certainly is time to remove all those monuments to the losers. A big question, though, is just what to do with all that statuary that may be of some historical and/or artistic value. Some want them relocated to private property, but all that would accomplish would be to create a network of private shrines to racism. I have a better idea.
Let's create a new Losers National Monument on some suitably desolate expanse of desert land out West, where it will be possible to display them all together. They would be removed from their pedestals and placed with each abutting the next, bearded cheek by mutton-chopped jowl and horse's ass by horse's ass – with just enough room for intrepid visitors to squeeze between them for access to the statues that particularly pique their interests. Better yet, the relocated statues could be arranged into a maze for added tourist appeal – a classic American roadside attraction.
Then, perhaps, we could turn our attention to that other monument to slavery, the United States Constitution — where concessions to slave states resulted in our profoundly non-representative Senate and Electoral College. As that unrepentant racist Winston Churchhill once said, "democracy is the worst form of Government except for all those other forms that have been tried from time to time.…’
I'm not sure he got that right, but I don't have a better idea right now.