Tuesday, January 29, 2008

"Honest, hon, I was just tryin' to help!"

So last week, I was thinking that Hillary was moving away from Bill. Well, maybe I was just hoping. Anyway, Bill came roaring back. Big time.

Maybe Barack would have done just as well in South Carolina if Bill hadn't so completely and irresponsibly screwed up, but I don't think so. Bill Clinton is no dope -- so what happened?

Here's a thought: maybe he wanted to screw up. Not consciously, perhaps, but on some level... (My ex used to accuse me of "passive aggression." I never saw it, of course, and "no dope" is a pretty fair description of me too. It's always easier to see faults in others that you miss in yourself.)

The Clintons have been a successful political partnership for many years, but you have to bet that two such highly competitive people compete with each other too. Sadly, Bill's presidency will be best remembered for a single blowjob. What might Hillary accomplish in the office? Whatever it might be, it's bound to be better than a blowjob.

But wasn't he hurting his own "legacy" as well? Of course! But what the hell -- the things our bloated but vulnerable egos inspire us to do don't always leave us smelling like roses. My advice to Hillary is to stuff Bill in a closet somewhere until the primaries are over -- and, if she wins the primary, to keep him out of the way until after the election. (Maybe he could solve the Middle East problem in his spare time. He'd like that.)

But what if she wins? What can she do with him for four or eight years? The last thing Hillary needs is to have Bill kicking around the White House, getting both of them in trouble.

My suggestion: make him Ambassador to the United Nations. He could stay in the Greater New York area, where he could make use of his house, his offices in Harlem, and an endless supply of chubby Jewish girls. Moreover, he'd probably make a pretty good job of it.

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