Endorsing Hillary

Clearly, I was not happy when John Edwards tossed in the towel. It's not that often I have a vaguely viable candidate saying the things I want to hear. Paul Krugman tells me Edwards had a genuine impact on both the Clinton and Obama candidacies. I hope he got that right.

So, like a lot of Edwards supporters, I found myself trying to decide between what looked like the black Bill Clinton and the female Bill Clinton. (While I might have a certain admiration for John McCain as an independent thinker, I don't much care for where his independent thoughts might take us.)

I was really torn! Barack or Hillary? (Most often, those internal conflicts ended with, "Well, really, who gives a shit?") For reasons I couldn't put a finger on at the time, I found myself drifting towards Hillary. But why? (I don't easily let myself get away with emotionally based choices -- at least not without some analysis.)

Well, here's what I came up with: of the two remaining Democratic candidates, the one who reminds me more of Bill Clinton is Barack Obama. Since I really don't want another Clinton Administration of the 1990s variety, I'm supporting Hillary. Am I nuts? Maybe. Nevertheless, I believe that Hillary will be less like Bill than Barack -- less style, and more substance. I also think Hillary has the political skills to achieve genuine progressive goals by reaching out to specific Republicans on a bill by bill basis, not by reaching out to the Republican Party, which is still mired in its ideological tar pit.

Anyway, we boomers deserve at least one more presidency -- look how long we had to wait for the World War II crowd to get out of the way! My sincere hope is that somewhere inside Hillary's technocratic armor beats the heart of a sixties idealist; tempered by time and (yes) experience, but not willing to give up the fight.

"Honest, hon, I was just tryin' to help!"

So last week, I was thinking that Hillary was moving away from Bill. Well, maybe I was just hoping. Anyway, Bill came roaring back. Big time.

Maybe Barack would have done just as well in South Carolina if Bill hadn't so completely and irresponsibly screwed up, but I don't think so. Bill Clinton is no dope -- so what happened?

Here's a thought: maybe he wanted to screw up. Not consciously, perhaps, but on some level... (My ex used to accuse me of "passive aggression." I never saw it, of course, and "no dope" is a pretty fair description of me too. It's always easier to see faults in others that you miss in yourself.)

The Clintons have been a successful political partnership for many years, but you have to bet that two such highly competitive people compete with each other too. Sadly, Bill's presidency will be best remembered for a single blowjob. What might Hillary accomplish in the office? Whatever it might be, it's bound to be better than a blowjob.

But wasn't he hurting his own "legacy" as well? Of course! But what the hell -- the things our bloated but vulnerable egos inspire us to do don't always leave us smelling like roses. My advice to Hillary is to stuff Bill in a closet somewhere until the primaries are over -- and, if she wins the primary, to keep him out of the way until after the election. (Maybe he could solve the Middle East problem in his spare time. He'd like that.)

But what if she wins? What can she do with him for four or eight years? The last thing Hillary needs is to have Bill kicking around the White House, getting both of them in trouble.

My suggestion: make him Ambassador to the United Nations. He could stay in the Greater New York area, where he could make use of his house, his offices in Harlem, and an endless supply of chubby Jewish girls. Moreover, he'd probably make a pretty good job of it.