Tuesday, January 27, 2009


I am amused by all the howling and moaning by Republican Congressmen about just where in the United States the Obama administration will relocate the Guantanamo prisoners. I am especially amused by the howling and moaning of Senator Sam Brownback of Kansas.

The federal prison at Ft. Leavenworth, Kansas, is the most obvious candidate for detainee relocation -- to Senator Brownback's dismay. Brownback has introduced legislation to forbid the use of federal funds to transfer the Guantanamo detainees to Leavenworth. (I am not sure how to transcribe the sound of flatulence, but that's what should be inserted here.)

It seems that the residents of Kansas are concerned that the Guantanamo detainees will attract terrorist activity to their extremely large, flat, and rectangular state. Figuring that the average car bomb impacts about 1000 square feet, and that the population density of the city of Ft. Leavenworth is 935 per square mile, the average car bomb would kill or injure about one-third of a person. Nine tenths of that third of a person is a devoted Christian, and hence would proceed immediately to heaven. So, what's the problem?

Well, the Republicans seem to think Alcatraz would be a better choice. Granted, with a population density of about 16000 per square mile, the human toll of a car bomb in San Francisco would be considerably more extensive than that of a bomb in Ft. Leavenworth -- but since the victims would probably be Democrats (or, better yet, gay Democrats), God's justice certainly would be better served.

I'm starting to feel a little better about Obama's approach to the Republicans, especially since the Republicans are behaving like such total assholes. Go ahead, Barack... reach out to them. Then, when they refuse to budge... well, fuck 'em.

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