I meant to use this space for an uproariously funny, thoroughly ludicrous fake news story, but the competition was just too great. How could anybody surpass the story about Hillary Clinton as leader of a pedophile ring operating out of a DC pizzeria?
Yes, I know we urban elites are supposed to stop characterizing Tr*mp's base as profoundly stupid and ignorant, but surely stupidity had a role in inspiring that North Carolina man with an assault rifle who invaded the Comet Ping Pong pizzeria last Sunday. It's likely that stupidity also factored into a Twitter post by Michael G. Flynn, son of future National Security Advisor Michael T. Flynn, observing that the "Pizzagate" story should not be discounted until it was proven false.
You'd think that some of the urban elite types of the Tr*mp transition team might have discouraged young Flynn — given that he was one of their own — but somehow they got to it too late. You'd also think they should have been forewarned, since both young Flynn and old Flynn spent a good part of campaign season spreading fake conspiracy stories. Mikey G. was fired, but nobody around Tr*mp seemed especially embarrassed.
The latest "news" is that the gunman was an actor, hired by the Clintons to distract attention from all the child molestation going on behind the pizza ovens. Plenty of people will believe that, of course, but heaven forbid we should characterize them as idiots.