The Spitzer Scandal: some questions

Anybody paying attention when Eliot Spitzer was Attorney General for New York, or during his truncated time as Governor, might have remarked: "Jeez, his testosterone levels must be off the charts." Studies have shown that competitiveness and high testosterone levels correlate measurably -- and those who rise to the top in politics usually are fiercely competitive. Is anybody really surprised when powerful politicians are embroiled in sex scandals?

Still, some observers of the latest sleazy revelations have started to ask, why Spitzer? Was it really a chance discovery arising from a computer program designed to detect money laundering, or was there more to it? Given the history of the Bush Justice Department, one wonders. For a really neat conspiracy theory, look here.

Something I've always wondered about is why, any time a politician gets caught up in a sex scandal, he feels he has to drag his wife along while he says his mea culpa. And why the hell do the wives go along with it? Most of the women I know would be doing personal appearances with their divorce lawyers, not standing grimly in front of the TV cameras as Americans judge whether or not their husbands might have been justified in going elsewhere for sex -- especially since the guys down at the sports bar invariably conclude the answer is "yes."

But those are not my questions. We are told that Spitzer was "Client 9," and paid only $4000 for a four hour session -- meaning that "Kirsten," his special someone, had only a three-diamond rating, the bargain basement of Emperor's Club VIP companions. The men who hired the five-, six-, or seven diamond ladies certainly have to be extremely rich -- rich enough so that we must have heard of some of them -- but the only other possible client I could find named, after an extensive internet search, was the Duke of Westminster -- possibly "Client 6." So here are my questions:

• Who is Client 1?
• Who is Client 2?
• Who is Client 3?
• Who is Client 4?
• Who is Client 5?
• Is His Grace really Client 6?
• Who is Client 7?
• Who is Client 8?
• Who are Clients 10 and greater?
  

If Spitzer has to take the heat, what about the rest of the johns? Hedge fund managers? Saudi princes? Print their lip-biting pictures on page one! How about corporate executives, or oil magnates, or (hard as this may be to believe) Republicans? Surely they're not all gay! Fair is fair!

And America wants to know!