Asshole of the month for November

Well, I was leaning towards Chuck Schumer for his total subservience to AIPAC, and faxed him (remember fax?) to tell him as much, but it is a big world, and Schumer (who is objecting to possible detente with Iran) was outdone.

The winner! : Hamid Karzai, of course.  Somebody on the radio suggested he was "off his meds."  Was he ever on his meds?  Do they even make meds for somebody so totally nuts?

First he called the loya jurga, totally stacked to support him, and then he ignored the loya jurga's demand that he sign the agreement with the USofA immediately.  (I guess those loya jurga guys understand that two billion bucks a year in military aid is not chump change.)  Now Hamid wants to put off signing until April, after the election of a new asshole, who is likely to be one of his brothers or cousins, given the endemic corruption.

Personally, I'd be happy to keep the two billion and tell Karzai to screw himself.  Al Qaeda is comfortably ensconced all over North Africa and the Arabian peninsula, so Afghanistan will hardly make a difference.

Kabul Bank Bailout

It's no secret that Our Friends in Afghanistan are blatantly, shamelessly, and thoroughly corrupt. Last fall, just one more example of Afghan public corruption hit (with minimal impact) the US news media. I am embarrassed to say that while my rage meter certainly registered, my soul, at the time, was too deadened to support even a moderately angry blog post.

Now I'm just sitting here groaning. According to a report by NPR, the USofA is likely to take on a bailout of Kabul Bank, which got itself in trouble by lending money to the brothers of both Afghan president Hamid Karzai and vice-president Mohammed Fahim, along with other well-connected individuals. None of those borrowers seem to have any noteworthy ambition to pay those loans back, so the ordinary Afghan depositor will lose most of his savings unless somebody steps in to prop up the bank.

Guess who is expected to step in? (If you guessed anybody other than the American taxpayer, you were wrong.)

Even if we weren't mired in deficit and debt, propping up the Karzai government — in any way — is pure and simple stupidity. In the context of our total debt, an extra billion may seem like chump change — but it's a billion given away to criminals. Okay, they may be our criminals, but they still belong in jail, not in overpriced US condominiums.

Excuse me, Mr. President, while I stick my fingers down my throat. Since your choice seems to be between bailing out some more thieves and pulling out of Afghanistan, and since I have 99% certainty regarding which choice you will make, I'm feeling violently ill.

Ahmed Wali Karzai

Ahmed Wali Karzai, Hamid Karzai's kid brother, is the foremost Afghan capitalist. Yes, his reputation for corruption, dishonesty, graft, and outright thievery is the stuff of legend, but none of that disqualifies a man from the ranks of the world's great capitalists. A guy's gotta do what a guy's gotta do.

According to yesterday's Times, U.S. officials have decided to leave him in place in Kandahar, his seat of power (and also a center of Taliban activity), when we invade it sometime in the near future — all the moralistic talk about fighting corruption notwithstanding. It seems State has decided that we've pissed off Hamid Karzai enough lately, and that the military (and probably the C.I.A. as well) think Ahmed Wali might be useful.

Well, of course he'll be useful, and of course he'll be happy to work with us. Greedy, self-interested bastards always are happy to "work with" anybody tossing billions of dollars around. Needless to say, he can't be trusted — a history of vote rigging, dope smuggling, money laundering, seizure of other people's property, and an host of other traditional capitalist modi operandi does not inspire great trust. The trick will be to use him to best advantage.

Since he's been paying off the Taliban for years — to lay off his properties, opium shipments, etc. — it's been suggested that he'd be good person to help "turn" some of the "less radical" Taliban, and bring them into the government's camp, but I have a better idea.

A much more effective way to use him would be as a go-between to help the United States buy all the local opium production, at premium prices. What better way to win the hearts and minds of the locals than to become the best customer for their most important crop?

I know. I've said it before, but I think it bears repeating. The best way to curry favor in Afghanistan while cutting off the flow of heroine to the United States and the rest of the world is to buy the raw material — the raw opium — before it is processed. Ahmed Wali's influence extends throughout Kandahar province, and well into Helmand. That's a majority of the opium production in the country.

You may recall that a decision was made not to destroy the opium crop when we took Marja. What's happening to that opium? Nobody seems to be asking that question — at least nobody being quoted in the Times. Could it be that the Obama administration already is following my suggestion? It would be nice.

In the meanwhile, though, the Russians are royally pissed by all the Afghan heroin currently making its way onto the streets of Moscow. Was a commitment to help reduce the heroin flow part of the agreement to reduce our nuclear arsenals? We'll never know.

So let's use Ahmed Wali Karzai to best advantage — to stop the opium before it leaves Afghanistan. We will not be able to persuade the Afghans to replace their most important cash crop with, say, potatoes or winter wheat. Buying all their opium not only will keep it off world markets, but will make us their most important trading partner. It's a lot cheaper than fighting a never-ending war.